“ He has not changed one iota. After four years of settling down in Canada,
my husband remained the same unchanged, his thoughts and manner
of dealing with me and our children did not change, knowing that by emigrating to Canada we changed not just the pattern of our clothes, but all our lifestyles.
He ought to have known that the Canadian society is different
from our own Eastern society and we must adapt to it, but he has
kept believing in his own understanding of running the household, keeping
his way of dealing with me through his eastern mentality, which is no longer
keeping with the demands of the lifestyle here”.
Sanaa, 46 years old, has words stuck in her throats, told The Migrant newspaper,
about the causes behind giving up a marriage last for 10 years,
and considering that “her access to divorce and separation from her husband
is not necessarily a negative. But was a solution”.
Wondering: “What would make me stay under the authority of a tyrant male,
who thinks of himself as “Al Za3im” one of the Leaders of “Bab Al-Hara” in Canada?!!”.
The need to keep up with the big changes, which we have never
been familiar with in our own societies, is not the only reason
that usually leads women to think differently in the country of destination,
but there are many reasons, that start from the way of dealing with the
children to the mentality of the “Eastern man” controlling all life details,
even in the details of his woman’s clothing, her lifestyle and her
way of engagement with the new society.
No doubt that the great rights, which are granted by Canadian law
to women in general may have been a large incentive for Eastern women
to think differently from what was the norm in our societies, but that,
for Manal the 37 years old, was not the only reason from her access
to separate from her husband. ” My priority as most women’s,
only in rare cases, is the establishment and maintenance of a family.
Divorce was an act I had to do because my differences with my ex-husband have become a stressor, not only for me and him, but also for the children,
who normally suffering of the disagreement between the husband and wife.
I preferred separation, to protect my children,
and not because I myself have many rights guaranteed by Canadian law.
My children for me are off limits, I will not allow that undermine their confidence,
and our disagreements affect their personality and future .”
She adds: “Problems are inevitably existing in our eastern societies as here in Canada,
but how to deal with and solve them here is the main
problem for me … To approach to solve the problems faced by us…
with a blocked mind that isout of date is the main dilemma,
that leads women to divorce.
It could never be in tackling our problems in the predominant method in our country “,
also gives an example by saying “I am working just like my husband,
and you know how job here is hard and exhausting.
which is not a favour, but if I have asked my husband to help me
with some housework, he consider that I have changed in Canada,
and goes out of his mind, as if that’s like undermined his dignity!.”
Oppression and marginalization, have lead Ruba 27 years old to resort to,
divorce her husband in Canada, because “She was forced by her parents into marriage,
who forced her to marry a man, who was older 15 years than her…” She Adds :
“When I arrived in Canada with my child, I had to renunciation on
this Marriage and keeping my son… In my country,
I did not have the choice to get divorced, and keeping my child.
In Canada, I feel safe and secure with my son.
which was not an available in my country…
” And she wonders:
“If the Canadian law gives us rights that will help us rid ourselves
of the marginalization and oppression that has been imposed on us,
why should not we benefit from that?”
The causes are manifold, which were led men and women to separation,
leaving the fate of an entire family to the wind,
divorce has never been a strange situation in the eastern societies
that we came from, but it is certain that the one who came to Canada willingly,
on his own, and with full knowledge of what he will face in his new
country of the necessities of adapting and coexistence with the new society is,
the less affected by the difficulties that will get him in the way,
particularly in terms of the continuity of the maintenance of his
marriage without any traumas to be mentioned,
whereas those who came compulsorily, unconvinced, do not have the
minimum knowledge to the new society, and has no desire to adapt
to this Community, has more likely potential than anyone else to
exposing his family to the risks of family disintegration and separation.
By Arij Al-Rachid
Translated by Satanay Barsbay